In this post-Stompy era of San Francisco nightlife, there aren't nearly as many opportunities to get dressed up in your most glam digs and get down with other like-fashion-minded people. Along comes Sixxteen, "A Rock and Roll Nightclub," to save the day. The music is most definitely not house and the drug of choice is definitely not ecstasy. In fact the only similarity to Stompy may be the amount of outfit-related prep time involved for the patrons.

Sixxteen is half rock show, half dance club. Each week there is a different opening band at 11 PM, followed by dancing 'til 2 in the morning. The groups are usually some sort of kitschy rock, and the Sixxteen regulars show up early to catch them. There isn't a stage in the Cat's Alley (since their fantastic renovation half a year ago,) so the bands perform at the back end of one room and everyone gathers around. People not interested in the show can lounge in the other room on their many comfy couches and barstools.

This past week I had the chance to see my favorite local band, Blue Period, perform. They are typical of the fine acts at Sixxteen - androgynous band members in feather boas whom like to jump off furniture and strip while they sing. In other words, quality stuff! They sang songs about drinking and partying from their forthcoming CD "Nightlife Casualties." I would go on about how much I enjoyed them, but lead singer Adrian misremembered my name as "Casper," and I can’t let him off scot-free.

After the show, the dance music starts. The selection is early 80's rock from all your favorite acts: Whitesnake, Poison, Ratt, Def Leppard, Skid Row, Ozzy, and Cinderella. They even throw in the occasional David Bowie and Blondie to keep things mixed up. I came as an objective reporter from POSTHOC but left tired, worn, and drunk from dancing to "Youth Gone Wild," smoking like a fiend, and downing hard alcohol. I haven't had so much fun at a club by myself in a long time. (Usually this is because I know at least a few people in every bar or club to whom I probably owe drinks and cigarettes but I always manage to bum just one more.)

Most importantly, let's talk about the crowd. Everyone is so beautiful that it would be impossible to decide with whom you'd want to sleep with first. They are magnificent to a level at which you have No Choice but to convert to bisexuality. There is also the fact that the glam rock style celebrates androgyny, which makes differentiating between the genders nearly impossible here. The hair is big and of unnatural color and requires constant volumizing. As a result, the "lift and fluff" is the unofficial dance move of the night. The material choice in peoples' outfits spans a wide range of synthetics and makes the wardrobe for The Matrix look like an ad for cotton. You need to be on constant alert for sharp objects at Sixxteen, as people accessorize with spikes, chains, and other metallic objects of unknown origin. (Trust me, "don't ask, don't tell" is the best policy here.)

The prevailing atmosphere at Club Sixxteen can be adequately described by the slogan on my LA Guns T-shirt I sported that evening: Sex, Booze, and Tattoos. I suggest you Come On Feel the Noise, get Out of the Cellar and ride the Crazy Train to Sixxteen this Sunday.

by Camper English

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