Held Up: action comedy. Starring Jamie Foxx, Nia Long, Ian Black, Grant Bolton, John Cullum, Barry Corbin and Jake Busey. Screenplay by Jeff Eastin. Directed by Steve Rash. Rated PG-13. Now playing at Bay Area Theaters.

There are some very pleasing shots of the Grand Canyon in the opening and closing scenes of Held Up, a madcap tale of love and heroism. I can't say much for the 1 hour and 40 minutes in between.

The story is this: main character, Michael Dawson, played by In Living Color veteran Jamie Foxx, is having a run of bad luck. On a romantic vacation to the Grand Canyon, Mike's girlfriend leaves him for a flatbed truck full of Abercrombie and Fitch models in cowboy hats. As if that weren't enough to break a man, a savvy youth jacks his vintage sports car, and he finds himself smack dab in the middle of a hold up at the local Sip and Zip. Well! Of all the tough breaks! On a scale of misfortune, it runs a close second to watching the whole wacky shenanigan go down on celluloid.

The list of thinly written characters is as follows: one cynical convenience store clerk, one hip-hop terminology spouting white kid, one fresh as morning farm girl, one biker/philosophical sage, one SWAT team, various inept cops, and three bungling desperados trying to make off with the $16 in the cash register.

After young Michael Dawson convinces the townsfolk that he is neither Beverly Hills Cop, nor Puff Daddy, but indeed prizefighter Mike Tyson, the fun begins. The hold up erupts into a cops and robbers standoff, and the whole town straps on a beer hat and pulls up a lawn chair to watch. Predictably, neither the robbers, nor the sheriff, who is busy debating plays at the local little league game with the mayor, are quite sure what to make of the situation. So Mike, a streetwise Chicago native, sighs, rolls his eyes, and takes control.

While the cops fumble with a terrorist negotiation guidebook, and Mike's captor stands paralyzed, our hero grabs a bullhorn and demands that the town find his captor a plane. The best they can muster is a tour bus, but Mike calls it a win. Whew! Disaster averted. Now there's just enough time for Mike to hitch a ride with a crop-duster to win his girl back before she hops a plane back to Chicago.

A few respectable actors were brought to the project (e.g., “Northern Exposure” alumni Barry Corbin and John Cullum as the sheriff and store clerk, respectively). Unfortunately, none of them can lift this tired sitcom plot off the ground.

However, I think ‘tis always noble to turn any sort of experience, good or bad, into a learning experience. So, here are a few lessons to be learned from Held Up:

So, now you've read the CliffsNotes version.  No need for you to go see the movie yourself.